“DD” NOT only stands for for Double Down but is also going to be the size of my moobs once I finish this thing. After our editorial meeting, photo editor Roger and me shot over to the local KFC to pick up a couple of the notorious “sandwiches”.
We expected lines out of the door but the place was empty. No posters screaming about the DD’s launch were in evidence and the kid behind the counter seemed almost embarrassed that we asked for one. But then he spoke the magic words: “Do you want the combo?” and there was much rejoicing. Both of us went for a Double Down, a Pepsi and mac & cheese*, picked up our food and headed back to the office.
The bag wasn’t too heavy and upon opening the box we found out why: they must have absolutely stuffed those 500-odd calories and 1300mg of salt into this thing ‘cos it’s SMALL. The burger I had at Bob’s Big Boy on Saturday (update to come) is way bigger and only cost a dollar more. The size was a letdown as to be honest from all the things I’ve heard about the Double Down made me think it was some huge greasy hunk of chicken, fat and bacon.
This is the view my mouth had shortly before being stuffed with the DD. It’s pretty bloody tasty, but the chicken soon breaks up in to stringy bits which just makes you realise it’s been swept up off the slaughterhouse floor and glued together with fat and salt. You only really become aware of the bacon when you start to wonder why there are two thin slices of cardboard stuck between the chicken and cheese. Yes, it’s our old friend Mr. Microwaved Bacon. Oddly enough the cheese is what makes it edible; it adds some much-needed viscosity to the fairly dry chicken and stiff bacon. But within 10 minutes of finishing it I was ravaged by dehydration as the 1380mg of salt — an incredible 60% of your recommended daily intake — buggered my kidneys half to death. Water, water…
Oh, and before I forget, here’s the mac & cheese:
Why this stuff is being sold as food when it should be banned under the Geneva Convention as a crime against humanity is beyond me. If you’re ever out late and are worried about being hit by a car in the dark, just buy a side of this and smear it over your clothes. Not only will it keep cars from hitting you, it’ll also make you look like the kids in this classic 80s Ready Brek advert:
At over $7 for the combo the Double Down is too much: too much money, fat, salt, Christ knows how many additives, and in my opinion not enough bacon. Will I have another one? Nah. Jack In The Box’s breakfast sarnies are totes better.
*It continues to amaze me that restaurants in America offer macaroni and cheese as a side dish. And not just fast-food places, either. We’ve been to pretty posh places where I’ve looked at the menu and thought, “Yes, what my $30 rare filet mignon really needs is to be eaten with something British kids have on toast”.
One word for you: yuck!!!!
To translate..eeew.
Urrrrrrgh! The second photo looks like Jabba vomiting.
British kids eat mac and cheese on toast? Must be a weirdo welsh thing as I’ve never had pasta on toast! Carb overload! Stop eating all that junk Mutley, me and Flynn are planning to take you cannoeing, up the Malverns, Roxy labrador walking… you can come to the gym with us too if you want! xx
I thought that maccaroni cheese on toast was reasonably well known, alongside beans and (alphabetti) spaghetti on toast.
where’d that strange avatar thing come from?
I like dripping on toast — about once every five years tho and instead of butter and without chicken, cheese-goo, baconish stuff oh, and batter…
Nice story. Thanks for sharing I’ll tell my friends about this too.
Sarah! Nice of you to finally join us!
Beans and letters yes but mac and cheese is wrong!
I just wanted to post something so I see what crazy little picture will attach itself to my name!
Ahhhh.. it’s diamond-head that can’t talk. Wonderful.
If only
Oh, and the other thing that cracks me up is that I write 500 heartfelt words on the best kids’ TV shows and no bugger cares, but eat a shitty burger and watch the comments roll in…
Videos + work = hassles.
Planetmut + food photographs = easy judgemental wrath.
(Putting the mental into judgemental?)
Mahahahvullus.
Plus yes, we are planning on taking you canoeing up the Malverns so you’d both better work on that upper arm strength!!
Work? You can’t look at ‘em at home?
As for the Malverns… we have a packed itinerary but are willing to walk Roxy the insane labrador.
Mut,
The easy judgemental wrath is largely because we quite like the heartfelt words on kids TV and (usually) the other stuff too.
By and large we would rather you continued your cantankerous rants for some time yet and are not keen to see you shot down the transfat greased slippery slope to an early grave only to leach dangerous amounts of salt into the struggling Californian groundwater.
…oh, that and nostalgic kids TV is …‘aah’ whereas oily cheese gunge is ..‘eew’.
Is that James Paddock? Eew? Do you want to come see Sex and the City 2 with me as it is only women and men of a certain type that say Eew (and they are the ones who like Sex and the City!).
Oh and Mut, we can walk Roxy up the Malverns! Kill two birds with one stone!! x
No, I don’t want to see Sex and the City. I would rather eat the DD than do that.
1) I am attempting to speak a (prolly rather out of date/passe) form of catty girly Californian. Obviously not very well (I get blank looks from pretty much everyone when I speak normal english so I’m used to that). I’m sure ‘Ev’ll be along in a mo and tell me that they use ‘looks bloody bollocks’ like normal people do.
2) In this case ‘eew’ goes rather well with ‘ahh’ in a way that ‘looks like infected donkey nuts’ doesn’t.
You try watching videos over a blistering 512 kbps line!!!!
Sorry, one forgot one was privileged not to have BT any more.
And Becky, “ewww” is a perfectly cromulent word.
Incromulently onomatopoeiac, perhaps?
Rah rah ah ah ah, roma roma-ma, gaga ooh la la!! (speak a language I know old men!!!)
James I like the catty Calli girl side of you.. keep it coming!
Next in line to try is ghetto fabulous; practice these phrases (without the elegant British accent),
’Big Booty Ho’ — this one you have to say with authority.
And ‘Your breff be stankin’ you need to bruff your teef!’, say this with disgust.
And last but not least, ‘Girl, you looks good, when you back that ass up. You’se a big fine woman, when you back that ass up. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up
Hoe, who is you playin wit? Back that ass up.’ — It’s best to sing this one.
You know that I’m also respected in the hood like a G. Don’t you?
Word, hookers!
Heather!! No!! Don’t teach Flynn and James to talk like that!! A) They are far to old and uncool and B) You know that’s all they are going to call us when you guys are over (Flynn actually called me a hooker the other night! He’s not as charming as you think!)
Oi! I am bloody charming I’ll have you know.
To explain, we were watching True Blood and Lafeyette was calling Tara ‘Hooker’ and she didn’t seem to mind so.…
27 comments? I’m going to have to eat crappy food more often…
Amazing website & writing skills. You my friend have TALENT!
Awesome site. Thank you! I’ve added you to my RSS feed!
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