IN WHAT can only be described as a totally rational plan and in no way a blatant cash grab, our benevolent overlords who are running the City of Long Beach* have instituted — drumroll please — a cat licensing scheme.
According to the load of bullshit FAQ on the city’s website, licensing the little sods is necessary as a “rabies control measure”. Rabies? What is this, the Dark Ages? This stinks more than an Emric turd in the bathroom sink. Then again I guess Long Beach has to find a way of clawing back the $10 million it just threw at Naples Island (median house price: $1.3 million) to fix the seawall, although I’m sure this classic example of American socialism has nothing to do with the fact that the mayor lives in Naples and he and the local councilman are up for reelection.
(By the way, why is it called Naples? Venice has the canals, not bloody Naples. Stupid rich people.)
Aaaah, but our furry little gits are indoor cats! Not much chance of them catching rabies if they’re confined to Mut Towers, is there? Although it hasn’t stopped them from catching fleas… Nope, no dice, as apparently cats “have a way of getting out through accidentally open doors, gates, or windows”. Not in our flat, they don’t, as we have exactly two windows, one of which is blocked up by a fan and the other defended by a screen that not even two stones of Emric can get through.
And I love this one: “Also, a natural disaster like an earthquake or fire may cause your pet to flee the safety of your property. Having a pet license on its collar, and/or microchip, will help reunite your lost pet with you.” Given that in the event of an earthquake we’re going to be crushed under two storeys of apartment building and/or drowned in the inevitable mega-tsunami, being reunited with the bloody cats will be the last thing on my mind.
So anyway, we now have to dig up the cats’ rabies vaccination certificates — which I’m not even sure we have — and “proof of spay or neuter” (whatever that is — I for one am not taking photos of Iestyn’s bits), send them off and get the licenses so when some little Hitler asks where their papers are, we can show ‘em. That reminds me — I have a 16ft long Nazi banner I want to get rid of. Maybe Long Beach could chuck me $150 for it?
*Into the ground.
Just remember: the sole purpose of (that nasty american term) Lawmakers is (like the Eu commision) to make laws… If none come to mind they’ll find some to make.
Given that LB is dangerous, do I need a rabies jab if come out?
Did you give them the fleas?
Yes, Flynn, I passed on yours.
I want them back!!!
[…] Ev saw all the police and fire lights when she came home from a friend’s at about midnight (I stayed home to catch up on my horror-movie watching). Shame I didn’t go as I’d doubtless have had the camera with me. We went today to see the aftermath; I’ve only just realised that Peninsula is spelled Peninsula and not Peninsular. Is this another case of stupid rich people? […]