I SAW this advertised on telly last night and knew immediately that I had to try one and, thanks to Mapquest, I picked up my first Cheesy Bacon Bowl at the KFC on Glendale Avenue this afternoon. Much like Gregg’s chilli cupcakes, the photo isn’t quite what you get, especially if you’ve seen the ads for this thing:
How do they stay so thin when shovelling 700 calories down their faces?
“Come on, you fat bastard,” I hear you cry. “What was it like?” To which my responses would be, “piss off” and “salty”. But, amazingly, not too salty, and not as salty as a serving of basic KFC chicken. To be honest it was pretty bland; even the Double Down had some taste to it once you got past the microwaved bacon and stringy, dry chicken. The bacon flavour doesn’t really announce its prescence, the gravy is the usual KFC middle-of-the-road brownish liquid and the chicken nuggets are basically gravy-soaked salt bombs. On the upside, the mash is good and adds some much-needed relief from all the salt and fat.
The most striking thing, though, is the cheese - or lack of it. Despite the “Cheesy” in its name, the Cheesy Bacon Bowl (CBB) is bereft of any semblance of cheese taste. A quick primer for those of you used to real cheese: there are four basic American cheeses - Swiss (bland), American (blander), cheddar (no it bloody isn’t) and jack (blandish). The CBB uses the usual three-cheese blend that you find everywhere in the States - Swiss, American and jack - which seems calculated not so much to add taste but just as a quick and cheap fat delivery system. Any cheesiness is conspicuous by its absence.
The only nutritional values I can find online are way to much for what I had, leading me to think that it comes in small and large sizes (or, for the rest of the world, “massive” and “American”) and that I must have got a small one. I’m very glad I did, for the figures for the 525 gram bowl are 680 calories (280 from fat), 31 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat and and kidney-buggering 2130 mgs of sodium. (Thinking about it, it must have been the small one as it weighed less than my medium Coke.)
After trying the Cheesy Bacon Bowl and the Double Down, I’m coming to the conclusion that KFC holds its customers in utter contempt. That’s the only reason I can think of for its continual unleashing of the most God-awful unhealthy food, worse even than the utter rubbish that is McDonalds. But the CBB’s main claim to fame isn’t its calorie count or insane salt content, it’s its unrelenting blandness and mediocrity and, for a dish that combines fried chicken and bacon - two foods that are manna from heaven - that’s unforgivable.
Amazingly, to promote this KFC are offering one
poor sod lucking winner a year’s worth of Cheesy Bacon Bowls. All you have to do, according to the rules, are:
During the Contest Period, become a follower of the @kfc_colonel brand on Twitter at http://twitter.com/kfc_colonel and tweet using the hashtag #baconbowls what you love about KFC’s Cheesy Bacon Bowls in one hundred and forty (140) characters or less (each, an “Entry”) including #baconbowls.
I’m following the @kfc_colonel brand and I’m about to submit this as my entry. Christ knows what I’ll do if I win as not even the local homeless shelter would accept a year’s worth of these things.