SPEEDNOBBING. It’s juvenile, it’s ridiculous, it’s silly and it took up a lot of time at school. The act of drawing as many cocks as possible may seem to some to be either an unhealthy obsession or the biggest waste of time until reality television was invented, but to school-age me and my friends it was a weapon, an ever-present threat of embarrassment and humiliation.
The rules for speednobbing are simple. Get hold of someone else’s essay/exercise book/bag/pencil case/textbook/coat/face and draw as many nobs on it as possible given the time available. The main use of speednobbing was when someone was called […]
THE quality photo above illustrates the problem when trying to lose weight - that of what to eat while losing it so you don’t put all the calories back on. A four-mile, 90-minute walk may have burned off 581 calories but to put that in context, it’s one footlong Subway roast beef sandwich without the cheese or dressing, which is what I eat when at work. The idea that I could get rid of 580 calories at 9am and then put them all back on eight hours later is bloody annoying, to say the least.
At least I’ve dumped the crap I […]
I SUPPOSE I should be bowing or curtseying or something, but although I’m a loyal subject of Madge and the rest I think I’ll give it a miss. I’m hosting the Royals thanks to Shelley*, who saw this set of bluebloods in a store and picked them up for me because I’m British or something. Here’s a closer look:
Madge is for some reason sporting an Adam Ant nose-stripe and looking pretty pissed off while Prince Phillip looks like he should be running the Golden Horse Take-Away on any given British high street. I have a theory as to why - ol’ Phil […]
IT WAS Friday night, you’d had one too many red wines in Giggles and the fresh air hitting you in the face didn’t so much wake you up as knock you for six so you staggered up the alley past FedEx, suddenly had to throw up and you saw the big concrete planter box. “Perfect,” you thought, or rather didn’t think, unloaded some red wine, wandered off in the general direction of your home and woke up Saturday morning wondering where your sunglasses were and why your knees had friction burns. But did you have to throw up right where I […]
SO I get up this morning, switch on my shiny new $850 all-in-one touchscreen PC and get a message saying “Disk Read Error. Press Ctrl+Alt+Del to restart.” No Windows, no desktop, no cursor; just the impersonal white-on-black words that mean I won’t be playing Portal 2 anytime soon.
Oh shit, this thing’s 24 hours old and all I’ve put on it is Photoshop and about 8,000 MP3s and it’s buggered already. Ev’s going to kill me. Seriously, if she finds out about this I’m dead and buried in the back garden. Let’s try pressing the keys… OK, it’s restarting… Shit, disk read error again. […]