Hi. Welcome to Planet Mut. Established in 2004, it’s the perfect outlet for my more sociopathic tendencies. Email me at planetmut@gmail.com. If you want to read the five years’ worth of archives on the old HTML site, they’re here. |
MY FRIEND Jamie excelled herself with this birthday cake, made to celebrate me turning 39 last Friday. Your eyes do not deceive you — it is indeed crowned with beans on toast wiv an egg on top as a tribute to my favourite meal. I haven’t actually tried it yet as we met Jamie and Chris for brekkers at Eggs Etc in Long Beach (review to come) and I’m still stuffed, but I’m looking forward to having several one or two slices later on with a nice hot cup of tea.
And in case you’re wondering, 1977 was the year of my fifth birthday […]
ONE glance at this T-shirt and I was in love. Attacked by the Death Star? Maybe Dave, the guy manning the Death Star Detection Thingy, nipped out for a fag at the wrong moment. Did no one else spot it? Was there a pair of Y-wing pilots on a fag break discussing what it might be?
“Hey, what’s that?”
“It looks like a small moon.”
“That’s no moon, it’s a space station.”
“It’s too big to be a space station.”
“You’re right. Is it an asteroid?”
“Dunno. Maybe it’s a meteor?”
“Whatever it is, I’m sure Dave’s checking it out.”
“Yep, he’s on the ball.”
“Solid.”
“He certainly is.”
“Wait… isn’t that […]
‘Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house flat,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a mouse cat,
But then Emric awoke,
And took a shat on the […]
UPDATE: CBS2.com is using one of my photos on its report! Shit yeah!
UPDATE 2: It turns out the guy who was shot was holding a water nozzle, not a gun.
WE HEARD the sirens earlier this evening — loads of them — all heading down Ocean Boulevard. After what seemed like the 25th police car went by we decided to grab the camera and head out for a look.
Ocean was blocked off so we parked in the beach car park and walked the rest of the way.
That’s a lot of police cars. On the way we asked a guy what was happening. He told us he’d […]
OR NOT, as the case may be. Christmas is OK, I guess, but an awful lot of the magic has worn off or gone completely. I suppose most of it has to do with getting older, but the fact that Christmas now seems to start around mid October doesn’t help.
By the time December 25 rolls around I’m so thoroughly sick of seeing red and white decorations everywhere and hearing terrible jazzed-up versions of Christmas songs that I’d rather it be the middle of summer suffering another heatwave. I’ve had enough of huge holly wreaths stuck on the front of SUVs, I’ve […]
AND only $9.87. Turns out Kohls is worth looking around while waiting for your car to have its smog […]
Bent double, like old beggars under sacks, Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge, Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs And towards our distant rest began to trudge. Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind; Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.
Gas! GAS! Quick, boys! — An ecstasy of fumbling, Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time; But someone still was yelling out and stumbling And flound’ring like a man in fire or lime… Dim, through the misty panes and thick […]
I MADE it back OK only to discover one of the bottles of cider I’d bought had smashed in the suitcase, wrecking four of my new books and leaving my clothes smelling like they’ve spent a year in a barrel at Broome Farm. […]
FROM Blackadder Goes Forth:
BLACKADDER: “Sir, I can explain everything.”
GENERAL SIR ANTHONY CECIL HOGMANAY MELCHETT, KCB, VC, DSO, ETC: “Can you, Blackadder? Can you?”
BLACKADDER: “Er… no.”
And neither, to be honest, can I. I could put it down to stress at work. Bugger it, I will put it down to stress at work because that’s what caused it. I’ve been in newspapers for more than 14 years and to be honest the last month or so has been shite. One particular Monday was even worse than that day in 2002 when the Queen Mother kicked the bucket 20 minutes before deadline.
So, stress. Lots of […]
OOOOO, scary, it’s a cheaply-made cardboard coffin advertising Knott’s Scary Farm Haunt! I’ve never been to the Scary Farm Haunt but I have been to Knott’s Berry Farm (hint: it’s the same place) and it blows. But whatever could be inside?
It’s a rubber skeleton which is apparently picking its arse. Ev is taking it to work on the grounds that she actually likes Hallowe’en, whereas I just like to take the piss out of it. And, speaking of reasons to take the piss out of Hallowe’en, we spotted this in Target the other day:
It’s not a “trident holder”, it’s a cock […]
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