Hi.

Wel­come to Planet Mut. Estab­lished in 2004, it’s the per­fect out­let for my more sociopathic tend­en­cies. Email me at planetmut@gmail.com.

If you want to read the five years’ worth of archives on the old HTML site, they’re here.

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Mat­thew Wilkes

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They broke the monitor, too

Our 23″ mon­itor - now with a strip of blown pixels cour­tesy of our shitty movers.

IT JUST never ends, does it? Today I rearranged my office (christened “the murder room” by Shel­ley on account of it being red) and thought, “Hey, why am I using the 20-inch mon­itor when I could be work­ing in style on the 23-inch one?” So off I go to the guest room (guest room, for eff’s sake, guest room) and find it still wrapped in three tow­els with a large “FRAGILE” sticker on the front.

Unfor­tu­nately the epi­leptic howler mon­keys our wreck­ing […]

May 16th, 2011 | Category: Dickheads, House | Leave a comment

Scaredy cat

Iestyn before he began liv­ing under the bed.

ONE thing a few people asked us before we moved into our house was, “How will the cats take it?” My response was, “They’ll have to bloody stick it,” as, unlike Ev, I don’t see why two bags of fur should rule our lives. We both thought they’d be OK with the move - con­fused at first, yes, and maybe frightened, but all right within a week. How wrong we were.

Iestyn is now enter­ing his eighth straight day of hid­ing under the bed. Emric has taken a couple of tours of […]

May 15th, 2011 | Category: Cats, House | 2 comments

I (don’t) like to move-it-move-it

NEVER again. Ever. I don’t care if we win Buck­ing­ham Palace in a bet next week, I’m not going through that shit again.

First off - the movers. They turned up four hours late, assured us that empty­ing the flat would take three hours, then promptly took five hours to do it. We even ended up hav­ing to help them carry stuff to the car. Now I’d ima­gine that not all one-bedroom apart­ments have 75 boxes of books in them, but still - five hours?

Luck­ily the move went without a hitch. Nah, I’m jok­ing, it was a total pain in the arse. […]

May 11th, 2011 | Category: House | 4 comments

What happens when you buy a house from two morons

BASICALLY, you end up hav­ing to clean up tons of shite. To wit:

1. Real­ising that your request that they please leave the house empty has been inter­preted as “please leave worth­less shit all over the place”.

2. Dis­cov­er­ing this on the pave­ment out­side. AWE. SOME. A quick break­down:

2a. A box of broken watches. The con­ver­sa­tion went some­thing like this:

Me: “Hey, they’d be good for macro phot-”

Ev: “NO.”

2b. Really? There are 20 empty boxes and you just dump this crap on the grass?

2c. Bedknobs or rare 19th-century but­tplugs? You decide!

2d. Pop quiz: You have a box full of poly­styrene pack­ing pel­lets. Do you (i) […]

April 14th, 2011 | Category: House | 8 comments