Hi. Welcome to Planet Mut. Established in 2004, it’s the perfect outlet for my more sociopathic tendencies. Email me at planetmut@gmail.com.
If you want to read the five years’ worth of archives on the old HTML site, they’re here.
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BUT I do, oh how I do. Right now, offered the choice between a Chilli Red Mini Cooper S with all the trimmings and a Samsung 4.3 cubic feet, 12-cycle Ultra Capacity Steam Washer with matching laundry pedestal including a storage drawer, I’d take the non-drivable option.
Now I know what you’re thinking; you’re thinking, “But Mut, you’re such a cool and sexy guy. Why the sudden desire for a mundane domestic appliance?” Well, firstly I’d tell you that you’re thinking of the wrong person, and secondly I’d tell you that I’m sick to the bleedin’ gills of sharing laundry facilities with […]
DEAR BT INTERNET:
You suck balls. Big hairy sweaty ones. If there were a pair of greasy unwashed nads in your vicinity, you’d be sucking on them. Your enthusiasm for imbibing gonads is beaten only by your abject shittiness.
Now, BT Internet, you might be wondering what’s brought on this open letter. Well I’ll tell you. I’m trying to verify my dad’s email address because for some unknown and doubtless stupid reason he has to do that before he can send/receive emails. Why does he have to do this? Because you, in your ball-paratrophically piss-poor way, have determined that this is the only […]
Dear Mr Larrson:
I know you carked it back in 2004 and can’t really reply, but I thought I’d drop you a note about your book The Girl Who Played With Fire. I read the first book in your Millenium Trilogy, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, a year ago and found it to be pretty good if rather long. But shit, did anyone edit TGWPWF?
Dying of a heart attack shortly after delivering the manuscripts of all three books to your publisher meant you didn’t get to have any say in how they were edited. And I don’t know if the publishers […]
THIS has become Ev’s new mantra to me whenever I blow my lid at someone or something that bloody annoys me. Some muppet cuts the Mini up? “Just say no to negativity.” I come home to discover the Kardashian slags are not only on the living room telly but also on the one in the bedroom, which no one is actually watching? “Just say no to negativity”. Emric’s pissed in the sink? “Just say no to negativity”.
Now I’m the first to admit that I’m a negative person, or in proper medical terms, a miserable bastard. But I don’t see how I […]
Dear Long Beach Police Department:
Correct me if I’m wrong, but if I was to blow through a stop sign/red light, or drive at night without lights, or drive on the wrong side of the road, or drive down the middle of the road blocking other traffic, or drive across junctions causing other motorists to slam on their brakes, or weave back and forth across lanes, or (and this is my all-time favourite) drive down the wrong side of the road at night with no lights, you’d be writing me tickets from now til 2020. Right?
So why is it that I see cyclists […]
IN WHAT can only be described as a totally rational plan and in no way a blatant cash grab, our benevolent overlords who are running the City of Long Beach* have instituted — drumroll please — a cat licensing scheme.
According to the load of bullshit FAQ on the city’s website, licensing the little sods is necessary as a “rabies control measure”. Rabies? What is this, the Dark Ages? This stinks more than an Emric turd in the bathroom sink. Then again I guess Long Beach has to find a way of clawing back the $10 million it just threw at Naples Island (median house price: […]
OH, YOU did. You did refer to the systematic abuse of boys — and the global conspiracy to cover it up that allowed the perpetrators to continue their abuses for decades without fear of retribution — as a “mistake”.
Every week we publish a section called In Theory, where we ask a group of local clergy what they think about various current affairs. Obviously there was no way the current Catholic Church molestathon could pass without comment and a few weeks ago we asked the following question:
Pope Benedict XVI is under increasing pressure to directly address the sex scandals rocking the Catholic Church worldwide. Questions have been […]
Enough said.
No, wait, there’s more. Do my general thoughts of “WTF is a ‘Justin Beiber’ and how soon can he/she/it go away?” correspond with, say, what my grandparents thought about Elvis Presley or The Beatles? Or what my parents thought about the Sex Pistols? Or what my older cousins thought about Nirvana?
Could it really be me? Am I reaching that point where what I think is good/cool/superior to what you like is no longer regarded as good/cool/superior to what you like? For that matter, was anything I ever liked good/cool/superior to what you like? (Answer: Yes)
Look, I’ve enjoyed some utter crap in my […]
OH DEAR God no! There’s a second Sex And The City movie? WTF? Obviously the demand for a film about four aged, sagging, leathery whores buying overpriced shit and pretending they’re 18 must be greater than anyone with an IQ over 20 would think.
I mean, women, come on — are you really as shallow as Hollywood thinks?*
I watched the trailer so you don’t have to. Believe me, the horror is almost Lovecraftian in scope — it’s a never-ending sparkly void with less depth than a puddle of dogpiss, a nothingness populated by cackling orange creatures led by a woman with a horse’s head, a […]
EVERY now and then I come across a piece of news that not so much depresses me, it crushes my very will to live.
I read this story on the BBC’s website about 30 minutes ago and I’m still reeling. To cut a long and sad story short, today is the funeral of Charlotte Avenall, a mentally-handicapped eight-year-old girl who was found hanging in her bedroom.
Let me just say that again: AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD GIRL HUNG HERSELF.
According to the story, neither of her parents had been in Charlotte’s room for four weeks. The walls, carpet and her toys were covered in feces. Little […]
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