POT NOODLE. Released into the wild UK in 1978 the much-derided but still hugely-selling pots of dehydrated crap have become a British icon. I have devoured plenty in my own lifetime, starting with cheese & tomato ones in the 80s through to the more “exotic” southern fried chicken, sweet & sour, donor kebab and chow mein. All of them have one thing in common: they’re cheap, easy to make, keep you going and if you’re really hungry they make a great sandwich filling.

But now there’s a new Pot Noodle on the block, the GTi. I couldn’t work out why it was […]

THIS is one of those times when you look at what’ s being advertised and think, “Why did no one come up with this before?” I do wonder if the marketing departments of Taco Bell and Doritos invented this or whether they were finally persuaded to produce it when they received the millionth letter from a stoned college student saying, “Dudes, you should, like, totally make, like, a HUGE Dorito and, like, use it for a taco shell.” And with the Taco Bell Doritos Locos Taco, those students’ wishes have come true.

Much like the notorious KFC Double Down, the DLT […]

JACK IN THE BOX has come up with a new and, dare I say, delicious way to kill off its customers — the Bacon Milkshake. Alerted to its presence by our photo editor, I had to spend two days in excruciating suspense until I got hold of one last night. But it’s spent the night in the freezer as even I am not going to consume a 773-calorie concoction at 10pm.

I thought I’d do another video review for this one as a) I haven’t done one since the sour candy and b) apparently that video thoroughly entertained my cousin in London and who […]

EV VERY kindly bought me this box of choccies because a) I’m awesome and b) we saw it on the TV show Unwrapped, which presents the history of different food and drink and how they’re made. It’s one of Ev’s favourite programmes and, as such, I have it inflicted on me at regular intervals. To be fair it’s not that bad of a show but the host, Marc Summers, has this odd way of… injecting… pauses… into… his… speech… andthensuddenlyspeedingup before… slowing… down… again. Oh, and he claims every tasty delicious food was made in America, even when it wasn’t, and says […]

BEFORE we get into how bad this will undoubtedly be, one thing has been bugging me for ages — why is it called the $5 Buck Box? Isn’t that the same as calling it the Five Dollar Dollar Box? And it isn’t $5, it’s $5.44 with tax. Bastards! And the drink machine was broken so I had to have fruit punch. Come on, Taco Bell, it’s tough enough being white without being bereft of a large Pepsi. Anyway, enough of my problems and let’s see how many different ways Taco Bell can serve up the same five ingredients…

Here’s what you get in the […]

I SAW this advertised on telly last night and knew immediately that I had to try one and, thanks to Mapquest, I picked up my first Cheesy Bacon Bowl at the KFC on Glendale Avenue this afternoon. Much like Gregg’s chilli cupcakes, the photo isn’t quite what you get, especially if you’ve seen the ads for this thing:

How do they stay so thin when shovelling 700 calories down their faces?

“Come on, you fat bastard,” I hear you cry. “What was it like?” To which my responses would be, “piss off” and “salty”. But, amazingly, not too salty, and not […]

GREGGS is a wonderful place. Their steak bakes are unsurpassed, their chicken and mango bloomer is great and their Cornish pasties wipe the floor with Ginsters because they don’t have a quarter-inch gap between the pastry and the filling. So when I saw their Hallowe’en-themed Chilli Devil Cup Cakes at the store in Ross I decided to give them a go. Here they are on the Greggs website:

The cakes are chocolate with lime and chilli icing and sprinkled with chocolate curls. They look tasty, don’t they? Here’s what I got from the shop:

I don’t know if it’s official Greggs policy for […]

EV HAS warned me on several occasions not to buy food from a 7-Eleven. Pre-packaged stuff like chocolate and Coke is OK but apparently their own-brand sandwiches, burritos and taquitos are to be avoided. To give you some idea of how crappy they can be, I bought a gallon of milk at the local 7-Eleven last month only to open it the next day and discover it was rancid. But when I saw the $1 sausage biscuit I had to try one two. After all, it’s fresh to go!

Here they are in their “natural” pre-microwave state. They’re not frozen and are […]

WHEN my colleague Raul put a pic of these things on his Facebook page, I knew I had to get some. Sour candies, like peanut butter & chocolate, grape, blueberry, and Del Taco, seem to be a very American thing. Raul left a jar of them on my desk and now I’m about to see exactly how “hazardous” they are.

The sweets are individually wrapped and you get a lot more in a packet than I thought. They come in five flavours: watermelon, blue raspberry, black cherry, lemon and apple. There’s a chart on the back of the (plastic) tin asking how long […]

AMERICANS and peanut butter go together like, oh, I don’t know, Mom and apple pie, rednecks and NASCAR, or Republicans and rampant hypocrisy. It’s everywhere — in chocolate, brownies*, sandwiches, frozen yoghurt, cupcakes, even barbecue sauce. You can’t escape this shit; it’s amazing there isn’t a drink based on it. Oh, wait…

Now, I’m notorious in the office for going off on one whenever someone brings in chocolate and it turns out to have peanut butter in it. But then I thought: I’ve only ever eaten one of these things and that was in 2005, so have the other six years spent in the States […]