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Welcome to Planet Mut. Established in 2004, it’s the perfect outlet for my more sociopathic tendencies. Email me at planetmut@gmail.com.

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There are retards. There are Republicans. And then there are Justin Bieber fans.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Del4eTJXwp8

THIS video, made by satirical newspaper The Onion, is causing a bit of a stir in the cesspool that is YouTube. Well, it’s causing a stir amongst the 11-year-old girls who just OMG like tooooooooootes love Justin!!1!!1!

The trouble is, your average Justin Bieber fan is not only 11 in age but also in IQ and probably thinks “satire” (or should that be $@t¡R3) is a new rapper. Even my baby niece could see that the video is a pisstake, and a very clever and bloody funny one at that. But no, not the “Beliebers”.

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They shoot horses, don't they?

OH DEAR God no! There’s a second Sex And The City movie? WTF? Obviously the demand for a film about four aged, sagging, leathery whores buying overpriced shit and pretending they’re 18 must be greater than anyone with an IQ over 20 would think.

I mean, women, come on  —  are you really as shallow as Hollywood thinks?*

I watched the trailer so you don’t have to. Believe me, the horror is almost Lovecraftian in scope  —  it’s a never-ending sparkly void with less depth than a puddle of dogpiss, a nothingness populated by cackling orange creatures led by a woman with a horse’s head, a […]

How to get the full Ticketmaster experience without spending any money

THIS is actually fairly easy to do. You don’t even need a computer, just a table, a helper and a large unlubricated cucumber.

1. Drop your trousers and underwear.

2. Bend over the table so you’re at a 90-degree angle.

3. Have your helper repeatedly ram you up the arse with the large unlubricated cucumber while simultaneously going through your wallet.

See? […]

The Hummer: a tribute

WITH the happy, happy news that the shitty, penis-compensating, road-hogging, only-in-America-could-these-things-be-considered-cool Hummer is finally being put out of its misery by GM, here’s my own tribute to this lane-clogging piece […]

Considering suicide?

Then watch this trailer and bask in the knowledge that, no matter how bad things might be for you, at least you had nothing to do with making Valentine’s Day.

I mean, just who is the target demographic for this? Retards? This trailer actually inspired me to come up with the Unmitigated Shit category as calling it crap just doesn’t do it […]