Please, please ban the fecking vuvuzela horns from the World Cup stadiums.

Now.

The constant droning is destroying the atmosphere at the games. You can’t hear the chanting, the singing, the whistling, the collective “aahhs” as the ball skims past the goal or boos when a player is/isn’t sent off.

All you can hear is the mindless zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz from the thousands of these effing horns  —  doubtless blown by thousands of equally mindless owners  —  that are infesting every World Cup venue. It’s barely tolerable coming through the TV speakers. Christ alone what it must be like sitting in the middle of it.

I want to hear the cheers, the songs, […]

[…]

IN A FRENZIED hour of selling all 32 teams were snapped up by my colleagues, some of whom appear to have hitherto secret gambling problems. As with last time, the rules are simple:

1. Participants pay $5 to enter.

2. They pick a team out of a hat.

3. The person whose team wins the World Cup or gets the furthest in the competition wins $80; second place gets $40; and third and fourth places get $20 each.

Here’s a rundown of who’s got what:

Mike: Greece, Portugal

Charles: Serbia, Paraguay, Mexico

Lisa: Honduras, Argentina

Roger: New Zealand

Jeff: South Africa

Melanie (edit): France, Brazil

Chris: Switzerland, Uruguay, South Korea

Veronica: England, Nigeria

Jason: Italy

Larrie: Ghana, Spain

Perry: Netherlands, Ivory Coast

Deb: […]